Son, you have spoken a heavy but true word: “I am not the one I am; I am what I have become, and what I truly am I discover only after death.” Thus speaks the man who has begun to see the abyss between the image of God and the image he has carved for himself through sin.
Son, the fallen man is not what he was created to be, but what he has chosen to become.God made him light, but he grew accustomed to darkness, he made him a son, but he became comfortable with slavery, he made him for eternity, but he clings to dust, that is why you say, “I am not the one I am.” You speak truly, for only Christ is “He Who Is,” and man, without Him, is only a shadow of his own calling.
“What I have become”
Son, a man becomes what he loves, if he loves the world, he becomes passing, if he loves glory, he becomes smoke, if he loves sin, he becomes a wound and if he loves Christ, he becomes a disciple. If he loves the Mother of God, he becomes gentle and if he loves his neighbor, he becomes human. But you ask: “What am I now?” You are what you have allowed to grow within you—your thoughts, passions, choices, silences, hidden deeds. Do not be surprised that you no longer recognize yourself, for the modern man lives outwardly but dies inwardly.
“What I am I discover only after death”
So it is, son. In the hour of death, Christ shows us nothing but the truth about ourselves. Then we can no longer lie, no longer hide, no longer play roles, then it is revealed whether we have borne His image or the image of the world. Saint Paul said: “Your life is hidden with Christ in God.” And the Holy Fathers added: “Death does not change a man—it reveals him.” Therefore, son, do not fear death, but life without Christ, for death is the mirror in which no one can cheat.
Man, you do not know who you are because you do not know to whom you belong. You have made your identity out of things, success, image, body, applause—but all these are sand, and when the wind of death comes, nothing remains. Only the one who clings to Christ becomes what he truly is—an icon of eternity. Only the one who takes refuge under the protection of the Mother of God discovers who he is—the child of a Kingdom that does not perish. Only the one who listens to the Holy Apostles and the Fathers finds the path—the cross. Only the one who lives in the Tradition of the Church finds the truth—that man is not defined by himself, but by God.
Apophthegm
Son, do not ask who you are now, but to whom you wish to belong in eternity, for man is not what he says about himself, but what Christ sees in him at the end.
Pustia Inimii 